lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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