i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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