Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All I want is dick and wine.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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