seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
