We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
bring money and cleavage
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
