I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
