where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
