The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
