it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
