Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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