if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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