Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i believe in u and ur pee
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
