I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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