So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
