We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
