Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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