how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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