Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
whose parrot is this?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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