Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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