just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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