The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
