GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
