I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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