Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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