Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
