Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
