it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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