You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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