the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
