When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
