So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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