youre lurking in front of me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
