I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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