after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
