New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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