Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
