apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
