I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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