Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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