I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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