I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
