I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
