So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
