you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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