May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
