You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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