i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
