eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
