Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
