State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
