Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
