She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
