Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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