My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
