Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
