Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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