we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
