I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
