Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
