I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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