i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish you could order shots online.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
