Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
