They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
