Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
