Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
