I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
