I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
