had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
