I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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