her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
