sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
