bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
this hospital has no fireball
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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