Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
