you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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