we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
