I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
