Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
