this boner is exhausting
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
