To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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