gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
